Cultivating Grateful Hearts: The Role of Gratitude in Childhood and the Art of Saying 'Thank You’

Gratitude is a key value that many parents and caregivers look to foster in their children as they develop (Reference 1). Typically, gratitude in children is identified as a positive emotional process that involves recognizing and appreciating a received benefit, credited to the giver's benevolent and voluntary intentions rather than the child's own efforts (1).  Nurturing this aspect of a child’s character is often linked with many positive outcomes as they develop, including increased happiness and better well-being overall (2,3). In this piece, we will dive into how it develops, and ways you can help your little one strengthen this key part of who they are. 

Where does gratitude come from?

Scientists have found that gratitude has origins in our fundamental biology, with non-human primates being able to recognize and demonstrate a basic form of gratitude towards one another (4). Even other non-primate species show kinds of gratitude, or what is termed “reciprocal altruism”, in that one animal will help another with the understanding that the other animal may demonstrate gratitude and help them in the future (5).

How do young children understand and express gratitude?

Knowing these origins, it is important to recognize that younger children’s expressions of gratitude may be more in line with our evolutionary predecessors than with mature adults (6). Research has noted that many children have some conceptual understanding of gratitude by the age of 5, though this can be dependent on emotional understanding earlier on in development (6,7).  Furthermore, children under 7 also have been shown to think about gratitude differently than grown adults, as they can struggle to answer prompts that are used to measure gratitude in more mature individuals (8). With that in mind, it is important to note that children under 7 may not verbally express their gratitude with expressions such as “thank you” as often as older children, due to their continually developing language abilities (7,9).

4 elements of children’s experiences with gratitude:

Research has noted that there are four common components of how children process and interact around the concept of gratitude (8):

1. Taking notice of what the child can be grateful for. 

2. Reflecting on why the child has been given the things they are grateful for. 

3. Embracing the feelings around what the child has been given.

4. Acting to express, in some way, the gratitude for what the child has received. 

How can I help foster my child’s sense of gratitude? 

In thinking about the 4 steps of children’s experiences with gratitude, there are a wide variety of ways that this aspect of their character can be nurtured by parents, caregivers, family members, and educators:

1. Provide activities that spark gratitude in young children (1)

   a. Listing or writing down what the child is grateful for.

   b. Setting up family dinners with other families that often express gratitude.

   c. Scheduling playdates with other children who often express gratitude. 

2. Initiate verbal discussions around the topic of gratitude and gratefulness

a. These dialogues can help children become more strongly aware of the what and why of their positive

feelings associated with being given something, along with the how to express their gratitude towards the giving party (11).

3. Model gratitude through your own actions and expressions (1,10)

a. Children look to parents to set a standard for how they manage their own behaviors and perceive others’ intent, and this kind of reliance often can apply within the context of gratitude (12). 

Research Represented:

1. Rothenberg, W. A., Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Egerton, G. A., Halberstadt, A. G., Coffman, J. L., ... & Costanzo, P. R. (2017). Grateful parents raising grateful children: Niche selection and the socialization of child gratitude. Applied Developmental Science, 21(2), 106-120.

2. Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890-905.

3. Froh, J. J., Kashdan, T. B., Ozimkowski, K. M., & Miller, N. (2009). Who benefits the most from a gratitude intervention in children and adolescents? Examining positive affect as a moderator. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 4(5), 408-422.

4. Bonnie, K. E., & de Waal, F. B. M. (2004). Primate social reciprocity and the origin of gratitude. In R. A. Emmons, & M. E. McCullough (Eds.), The psychology of gratitude (pp. 213−229). New York: Oxford University Press.

5. Trivers, R. L. (1971). The Evolution of Reciprocal Altruism. The Quarterly Review of Biology, 46(1), 35–57. https://doi. org/10.1086/406755.

6. Allen, S. (2018). The science of gratitude. Greater Good Science Center, University of California. https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSCJTF_White_Paper-Gratitude.

7. Nelson, J. A., de Lucca Freitas, L. B., O’Brien, M., Calkins, S. D., Leerkes, E. M., & Marcovitch, S. (2013). Preschool-aged children’s understanding of gratitude: Relations with emotion and mental state knowledge. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 31(1), 42–56.

8. Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Coffman, J. L., Halberstadt, A. G., & Costanzo, P. R. (2017). Parent socialization of children’s gratitude. In J. R. H. Tudge & L. B. d. L. Freitas (Eds.), Developing gratitude in children and adolescents (pp. 199–219). Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.

9. Gleason, J. B., & Weintraub, S. (1976). The acquisition of routines in child language. Language in Society, 5(2), 129-136.

10. Hoy, B. D., Suldo, S. M., & Mendez, L. R. (2013). Links between parents’ and children’s levels of gratitude, life satisfaction, and hope. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14, 1343-1361.

11. Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Rothenberg, W. A., Coffman, J. L., Halberstadt, A. G., Costanzo, P. R., & Mokrova, I. (2019). Raising grateful children one day at a time. Applied Developmental Science, 23(4), 371-384.

12. Shoshani, A., Aharon-Dvir, O., Hain, D., & Yaffe, A. (2021). Situational determinants of young children’s gratitude: The effects of perceived intentionality and the value of the benefit on gratitude and prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 121(4), 914–932.